


The 5 Stages of Having a Crush

by Jackfruit



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series), Thomas Sanders
Genre: Comedy, Fluff, Highschool AU, Logan hates his feelings, M/M, No one gets together in this sorry, Pining, Prinxiety is kinda in the background sorry folks, Rated teen for swearing and implied sexual humor, The boys are in love and yet so unaware, now u know how I feel when im looking for logicality fics and all i find is background logicality, wow sorry for that tangent i am reeling right now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-18 20:21:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14859629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jackfruit/pseuds/Jackfruit
Summary: Logan does not have a crush on Patton Foster, certainly not. There is no way he's going to turn into the same mess as his friend, Virgil, no matter how cute Patton looks in a cheerleader uniform.





	The 5 Stages of Having a Crush

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is based on The-Pastel-Peach (via tumblr)'s Sanders Sides High school AU, check it out! (Here's a link to their blog: http://the-pastel-peach.tumblr.com). Tag yourself, I'm Logan because I too die at the image of Patton in a cheerleader outfit (though for very different reasons)

_“For the last time, just ask him out like a normal human being!”_

That was what Logan had said to Virgil three days ago, because that was the obvious answer to Virgil’s weird obsession with Roman Prince. Ask him out, actually go on a date. That way they could find if they were compatible and therefore they would either continue to date until eventually marriage and/or copulation or they would realize they were not compatible and break up. Simple.

Well, to put it bluntly, Logan from three days ago was a fucking idiot.

It wasn’t necessarily his fault, because Logan from three days ago hadn’t yet seen met Patton Foster. Well, met was a strong word. Logan from three days ago hadn’t yet seen Patton Foster do the goddamn splits multiple times in his stupid cheer outfit. In fact, Logan from three days ago had yet to even attend a single event where the cheer squad was present, as he found watching sports rather dull and had been able to skip most prep rallies in order to get in some extra studying.

So yes, watching Patton Foster do a cheer routine for the first time was not easy on one’s heart. That had to be all it was, though. The fact of the matter was that every person in the whole school loved Patton with a burning passion. Logan had been the exception, but he supposed this was an inescapable scientific fact that pertained to everyone, no exceptions. 

 

That was how Logan found himself laying in his bed, staring up at his ceiling contemplating his stupid, illogical feelings. He groaned and pressed his palms over his eyes, causing his glasses to slip off onto the pillows. He looked up at the now blurry stars that he had put up about five years ago with Virgil’s help. He smiled softly at the memory, wondering if Virgil could help him with this situation too.  
Picking up his phone, Logan hit Virgil’s contact and put it on speaker, tossing the phone next to him as he continued to stare upward. It rang twice before Virgil picked up.

“Lo, you know I hate talking on the phone,” Virgil greeted, voice groggy. 

“Apologies, Virgil. Were you asleep?”

“No,” Virgil obviously lied, “whatsup?” Logan rubbed his eyes again. The imagine of Patton Foster’s soft, smiling face burned behind his eyelids.

“I need your assistance.”

“Oh?” Virgil snorted, “I was hoping you were just calling to check in on me.”

“Ha ha, focus please.”

“Right, right. What do you need help with?” Logan took a deep breath and wondered how the hell he could word this without making it sound like he had a crush. Because he didn’t. Logan had not had a crush in about six years, and he was not looking to break that record. Especially not because of Patton Goddamn Foster.

“Lo?”

“When did Patton Foster become attractive?”

Nailed it.

There was a pause on the other line before Virgil spoke again, voice wobbling slightly.

“What?” Logan sat up and grabbed his phone, bringing it closer to his lips.

“When did. Patton _fucking_ Foster. Get hot.”

_“Oh my GOD.”_ Logan heard a rustling as Virgil set down the phone, and listened as Virgil’s sudden laughter grew soft and muffled. Logan felt like his face was burning. Well, that had been a bit more blunt then Logan had intended, but it got the point across.

“OKAY, OKAY. Okay,” Virgil wheezed, picking his phone back up. 

“H-hold on can we fucking Facetime, I wanna see your face.” Logan huffed but complied, hanging up the call. He barely had a second to accept the Facetime Virgil had requested before Virgil was laughing again, his eyeshadow smeared with tears.

“Okay, okay. So, Patton Foster hasn’t changed in appearance for like, the last two and a half years. Hasn’t even changed how he’s gotten his hair cut.” Logan frowned, brow furrowing in utter confusion and concentration. He could hear Virgil snickering again, but ignored it.

“Then...how come I suddenly find him more attractive. Surely something changed.”

“Well, when did you ‘start finding him more attractive’,” Virgil asked, raising an eyebrow. Logan looked at the phone, feeling his face start to grow redder and redder. He couldn’t admit that he suddenly found Patton attractive because of the utterly ridiculous football game Virgil had dragged him to, he would never live it down!

It seemed, however, he had no choice. Not with the way Virgil was staring at him with his creepy, all-seeing eyes. Logan hated that look.

“Football game,” he muttered.

“What was that?” Virgil smirked.

“The football game.”

“Speak up, buddy.”

“THE STUPID FOOTBALL GAME, OKAY?!” Logan shouted, bright red again. Virgil didn’t even react the the shout.

“Oh? What about the football game?” Virgil wiggled his eyebrows. Logan somehow felt like he was growing redder.

“Say, isn’t Patton a cheerleader? Head cheerleader if I’m right.”

“Shut it.”

“Oh? Cheerleaders sure are flexible aren’t they Lo? Did you see some of the flips they did? And those splits?” 

“I despise you with the heat of a thousand metaphorical suns,” Logan growled. Virgil snickered.

“Aw, love you too Lo. Welcome to the crush club.”

“I do not have a crush on him!”

“Ah, stage 1 of the crush club, I remember it well,” Virgil said poking his tongue out a bit. Logan frowned, eyes narrowing at his friend.

“Stage 1? What do you mean?”

“Denial,” Virgil winked. Logan stared at Virgil a moment, before deadpanning, “that is the first stage of grief, Virgil.”

“Eh, you’re grieving your sanity. Good luck Lo. Sleep well. Don’t think about Patton in his cheer outfit. Or out of it,” Virgil grinned wickedly and sent Logan some finger guns before ending the call. 

 

Needless to say, Logan did not sleep well that night.

~~~~~

Logan flopped down next to Virgil during lunch, yanking open his lunchbox.

“Woah, what’d that lunchbox ever do to you?” Virgil asked, nodding to Logan’s aggressive behavior. 

“This is so stupid,” Logan ripped into his sandwich like a hungry wolf, causing the few kids around them to scoot away. Even Virgil looked a bit intimidated, though it was overshadowed by a look that screamed impressed.

“What’s stupid?” Virgil asked. Logan threw down his half-eaten lunch and gestured vaguely in what had been previously dubbed the ‘Obnoxious Vigil Pining Zone’. Aka, where Roman and Patton sat, surrounded by their friends. Come to think of it, take Virgil’s name out of that title and it would still fit perfectly.

“Oh? Stage 2 huh?” Virgil asked, folding his hands and placing his chin on them. Logan scowled.

“I hate this. Look at his stupid, smiling face. Why is he so happy all the time. I found myself staring at him the entirety of chemistry instead of taking notes. Now I have to ask someone else for the notes. People are going to wonder why I was not paying attention, Virgil!” Logan was maybe, possibly, raising his voice.

“Dude, I can’t believe _I_ have to say this to _you_ , but it’s just a crush.”

“I DON’T HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM!” Logan shouted, slamming his hands down on the table. A hush fell over the cafeteria, and Logan saw Patton looking at him out of the corner of his eye. Logan coughed into his fist and sat back down, cheeks dusted pink.

“Ah, yes. That’s why you screamed about it,” Virgil nodded as the regular chatter picked up again. Logan huffed and continued to eat his lunch, shoving down his irrational anger. He was being ridiculous.

~~~~

“Dear God,” Logan wasn’t religious, but he was about to try anything at this point. He had his head bowed as he squeezed his hands together and his eyes shut.

“Please, please, _please_. Let me have a crush on literally any student in this entire school other than Patton Foster. _Please._ ”

Logan lifted his head and stared across the field, where the cheerleaders were warming up. _Fuck._

Logan took a deep breath through his nose and took the first step across the football field, taking the ten seconds it would take to reach Patton to talk himself out of this. Virgil complained about having a crush on the most popular boy in school, but he forgot the fact that not everyone actually liked Roman, since he was so loud, and obnoxious, and jocks and popular kids in general had negative points in the loser kids’ eyes. However, no matter the fact that Patton was the second most popular boy in school, no one hated him. Not students, not teachers, not even Virgil. And Virgil hated pretty much everyone except Logan and Roman (though he claimed to hate Roman at times). 

All in all, extremely popular and beloved boy and nerdy, cold student body president were not compatible. In fact, if this were a movie, Patton would be matched with a proper love interest and Logan would be the creepy and/or cruel antagonist trying to pull the couple apart. In the end, Logan would be defeated and Patton and his lover would ride off into the metaphorical sunset, with the viewers caring nothing of Logan’s fate. Ugh, when did his fantasies become so elaborate?

“HI LOGAN!” Logan stumbled forward as a rather peppy and excited voice burst through his mental spiral. He felt strong arms wrap around his middle, stopping him from toppling over completely.

“Oopsie, sorry about that,” the familiar voice giggled. Oh, fuck. Logan felt his face heat up and he forced himself to pull away and look Patton in the eyes.

Bad choice, Logan. Bad choice! Patton’s eyes were warm and excited, like he was a puppy or something else most people found unbearably cute. Logan coughed and adjusted his glasses.

“Yes, well, hello. Thank you, Patton,” Logan said. Patton’s eyes grew wide and Logan worried he’d said something wrong before _oh God he’s hugging me help me. Help me._

“You know my name!” Patton squealed, releasing Logan and sounding absolutely delighted. He was delighted that _Logan_ knew his name.

“I, uh, yes. You are one of the most popular and well known students in our school,” Patton’s face dimmed at that, so Logan hurriedly tacked on, “also we’re in chemistry together!” Patton metaphorically ‘lit up’ again at that. Logan was more surprised that Patton knew his name if anything.

“Well what brings you here, _Mr. President?_ ” Patton winked, and Logan hoped his face wasn’t as red as it felt. He coughed and adjusted his tie (which he wore to school because being in school did not excuse looking improper), and then his glasses. Patton’s head dropped curiously to the side and it was, well, frankly it was adorable.

“The school board wanted me to check and make sure that the cheerleaders were practicing all the safety procedures required as they prepared their routine. Something about pyramids?” Patton crossed his arms and pouted at that.  
“Aw are they saying we can’t do our pyramid? I was gonna be on top this time!” Patton either didn’t hear Logan choke on his own spit, or decided to ignore it. Logan prayed it was the former.

“I do not think they were not allowing you to do so, I believe they just said to make sure you practice with mats as much as possible until the next game!” Logan said hurriedly, a little too fast for his own taste. Patton lit up again, grabbing Logan’s hands and putting them on his chest; Logan sputtered at the sudden contact.

“Oh that’s wonderful! We got some new mats recently anyway, I think someone donated to the football team recently or something and we got some of the extra money-” Patton was still babbling, but Logan couldn’t focus on anything except the warm and soft material of Patton’s silky uniform under his hands- of the heartbeat pattering under his palms.

It reminded Logan of when he and a classmate as children found a tiny bird in the rain. The boy with him had placed it in Logan’s hands; he gave a smiling missing baby teeth, before he had gone to get his dad or something and Logan has just stared at the tiny thing in his cupped hands.

“Lo?” Logan snapped his attention away from where he was _staring at Patton’s chest oh God._

“Apologies, Patton, I got distracted and was staring into space,” he pulled his hands away, mourning their warmth. Patton beamed and shrugged nonchalauntly.

“All good! Say, did you wanna watch us practice?” Logan froze, brain rewinding and rewinding again the question.  
“P-pardon?”

“Yeah, we don’t usually let boys watch since they usually make rude or inappropriate comments about the girls, but you haven’t glanced at them since you got here,” Patton laughed. Logan frowned.

“There are other cheerleaders here?” he asked, internally smacking himself because _no Logan, Patton was out here practicing by himself._

“See what I mean?” Patton giggled. Without waiting for Logan to answer, Patton grabbed his hands again and dragged him over to the bleachers, dispensing him there. 

“HEY GANG IS IT COOL IF LOGAN STAYS TO WATCH?” Patton called. Logan felt the gaze of the other cheerleaders on him as he turned his gaze to his shoes.

“Yeah, Logan’s cool. I’ve seen him at, like, one game and all he was doing was staring at you,” a girl shrugged. Logan spluttered and looked away.

“I only went because Virgil wanted to gawk at Roman Prince in his football uniform,” Logan grumbled. That caused a few snickers throughout the crowd.

“Can you blame him?”

“Nah, that’s the only reason I signed up for cheer.”

“Wait seriously? Oh my God!”

“Virgil? Like, the Virgil who hangs out with you all the time?” Patton put his hands on either side of Logan’s legs and leaned in and _Jesus_ Patton ever hear of personal space?

“Um. Yes?”

“OH MY GOD!” Patton squealed bouncing up and away from Logan and doing a twirl which was...quite adorable.

“Oh my God, okay, so Roman’s been talking about Virgil like all the time now-a-days! He thinks Virgil hates him or something, but I keep trying to get him to ask him on a date and now I know he doesn’t hate Roman because he has a crush on Roman too!” Patton said it all in one breath, it made Logan slightly dizzy.

“Roman has a crush on Virgil? Well, then I’ve been listening to Virgil’s pining for nothing,” Logan grumbled, crossing his arms. Patton giggled.

“I _know!_ Like, it’s obvious they like each other. Say why don’t we-”

“PATTON STOP TALKING LOGAN’S EARS OFF WE NEED TO PRACTICE!” one of the cheerleaders called. Patton shrugged and bounded away, calling over his shoulder, “We’ll talk later LoLo!” Logan nodded, but as soon as Patton turned his back he put his head in his hands and screamed as silently as he could.

~~~~~

“Hey Log- woah, what happened to you?” Virgil asked that following Monday. Logan’s hair was a mess, glasses askew, and his tie was crooked. He sighed and looked at Virgil with a dead expression.  
“I have a crush on Patton.”

“No shit. Wait did you two-”

“Finish that sentence and I will throw my Advanced History textbook at your head,” Logan grumbled. Virgil immediately backed off. Logan did not want to admit he had spent the entire weekend watching ‘How to Deal with a Crush’ videos on YouTube and eating Crofters jam straight out of the jar. Virgil must have seen something on his face though, as he shrugged and said with a small smile, “You admitted you have a crush on him.”

“I did.”

“Stage 5, congrats,” Virgil said. He didn’t sound exactly enthusiastic about it, though. Logan snorted.

“At least you have a chance.” Virgil’s head snapped up at that and he grabbed Logan by the shoulders, looking desperately into his eyes.

“Wait, what does that mean? Logan, who told you that? Did Patton? What did he say?!” Logan was cut off from answering when he saw Patton run over from behind Virgil and tap him on the shoulder. Virgil turned around and Patton waved.

“Heya! Would you mind if I stole Lo here for a teenie, tiny, second?” Logan felt his heart rate increase as Virgil looked desperately from one to another before slumping his shoulders in defeat and nodding.

“Thanks!” Patton chirped, latching onto Logan’s arm and practically dragging him to the auditorium. Logan followed meekly, not knowing what was in store for him.

“I got him!” Patton called, and Roman Prince appeared from the shadows, making Logan jump. He wondered, briefly, if the ability to melt into the auditorium background when not on stage came with the theater kid package. 

“Excellent! Patton, you may go,” Roman waved him off. Patton pouted, giving that puppy-dog look that made the entire student body melt.

“But I wanna hang out with you guysssssss,” Patton whined. Logan felt the alarms in his head blare a bit. He didn’t mind getting kidnapped by Patton, because Logan’s logical reasoning on Patton had been burned, spat on, and tossed out a friggin window. Roman, however, had a history of being a bit of a bully at rare times, and Logan didn’t want to be alone with him.

“It’ll be just a second, promise!” Roman flashed Patton a smile, apparently immune to his charms. The perks of being Patton’s best friend, he supposed. Patton sighed and gave Logan a sad look. Logan hurriedly pulled out his phone and offered it to Patton, who looked confused.

“Add your number,” Logan said, surprised and pleased that his voice failed to crack or shake. Patton looked at it another second before snatching it from his hands and typing hurriedly.

“I texted myself so I’d have your number, but I’ll text you for real later!” Patton said, sounding like Logan had just gifted him with something much more valuable than a simple phone number. Logan nodded numbly and watched as Patton bounced off, finally turning to face his fate with Roman.

 

Roman Prince towered over him, as he was one of the tallest boys in the school, and Logan was one of the shortest, even with his impeccable posture. Logan didn’t let this deter him, though, as he’d heard Virgil gush about this boy to the point Logan was pretty sure he could escape any threat given to him based on that information alone (seriously, Virgil, Logan did not care about Roman Prince’s goddamn shoe size).

“So, I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a while, and since you and Patton are kind of the friends now it seemed like the opportunity has finally arisen,” Roman leaned back on his heels, looking almost nervous. Logan folded his arms and raised an eyebrow.

“Oh?”

“Yes I, um,” Roman rubbed the back of his head, “you are friends with Virgil, correct?” Logan blinked. Ah.

“Are you planning to ask him out?” Logan asked. Roman sputtered in surprise, waving his hands in front of himself.

“No! Yes? Maybe?!” Roman looked as though Logan had threatened to punch him. Scratch that- he looked like someone who wasn’t two heads shorter than him had threatened to punch him.

“I was a-actually wondering,” did Roman Prince just stutter? Logan was cackling internally, “if Virgil um, hates me?” Logan snorted despite himself, making Roman look horribly offended.

“What? He’s keeps glaring at me!” Roman said, sounding desperate. Logan chuckled.

“He does not hate you, Roman. I think he is simply perpetually stuck in stage 2.” Roman looked confused, rubbing his forehead.

“What? What does that mean? Logan, what does that mean?” Logan snickered.

“I’m sure he will tell you eventually. Just ask him out, Roman,” Logan said, a smile quirking at the corner of his lips. Roman scowled, and Logan turned on his heels to walk out.

 

He had his hand on the door when Roman called out, “Hey, Logan.” Logan turned and met Roman’s gaze; he was smiling wryly.

“You seem like a pretty cool guy. However, you being friends with Virgil won’t stop me from destroying you if you break Patton’s heart.” Logan felt all the blood drain from his face.

“W-what? What does that mean? Roman?” Roman sauntered past Logan, opening to door.

“We’re going to be late for class, which I know your little nerd heart wouldn’t be able to handle. Let’s go,” Roman strode past Logan, standing tall. Logan swallowed nervously, feeling a buzz from his phone.

**Me [7:45 am]:** _fgfdhfghdf_   
**Patton-cake <3 [7:58 am]:** _Hi Logi! It’s me, Patton!!!!!!! Well you probably knew that cause i put my name in your phone haha! See you in chem?_

Logan smiled, putting Roman’s threat from his mind. Okay, so maybe he had a crush on Patton, but there were worse boys to fall for.

**Me [now]:** _I look forward to it immensely, Patton._


End file.
